Still Swimming {not so alone}

I have read some great stuff while trying to sort out this parenting thing.  First, you really need to check out Kay’s MOAT Blog Post by Joe White.  I loved what he said.

I am so much about business in my home.  I wish it were not so true, but I would “rather” fold the laundry than play chess.  Now, listen, not really, I mean I prefer chess, but if I do that who will fold the laundry?  People will tell you, play with them – you will have forever to fold the clothes.  But really?  I need them folded and put away today – not in 15 years. 

So I struggle with the “fun” part of parenting.  Therefore, I plan it.  Yes, I schedule my fun time into my day, otherwise it will not happen.  We are back to one-on-one time daily, me and a child.  Monday, J – Tuesday, P – etc.  They all want to play chess these days which I love.  But in order to make it happen I have an alarm set to go off to MAKE me make time. 

I am seeing this feeds their souls.  I am seeing them crave that time with just me.  They love to see if they can beat me yet, and not yet – but VERY soon they will all be beating me, I can see it coming!!

I mentioned the praising yesterday.  I am so bad at that.  If you do 10 things great but miss 1 I tend to focus on the 1.  Bad mom!  So I am trying to me more positive.  But at the same time I am finding that how we praise matters, we need to praise their attitude and choices “You did great focusing on the task and getting it done without distractions” rather than “great job dusting.”

I am seeing it work, I just hope I can keep it up.  I want to be the mom that encourages their hearts, but life can simply get so busy I can hardly have a coherent thought, let alone a praising one!

Another great reminder to me to keep things as slow as possible, with 4 kids, piano lessons, 4H (2 clubs), volunteering weekly at the food pantry (2 oldest), and a few classes we do with others, school, food, life…. I am tired thinking about it all.  Keep things slow.  Less.  I know this is the key to peace, but it is so hard to live out.

I sure hope my boys really get their act together soon, I am tired of cooking beans and rice twice a day!!!

Until then, I hope to stay positive and schedule my Fun Mom time!!

Shaping Influences of our Children

As I read through Shepherding A Child’s Heart, a book I have read before, I continue to learn “new” things.

Shepherding a Child's Heart

This week, I read about shaping influences in our kids.  It is so easy in this “instant gratification” culture – the one where every book offers a 3-5 step plan to fix your life, it is easy to think we can fix what we want to fix.  I find myself thinking I can control my life, and the things around me.  Often God has to knock my around a bit to remind me that this is not true.

Tedd Tripp talks about how our children are influenced not only by our parenting style but by the shaping influences in their lives as well.  So I spent some time thinking about how that affects my gang.  One of the questions at the end of the chapter was What are your values?  What is more important to you?  And at 6am I was not sure what was most important – well actually, I was not sure what my life was saying was most important.  you understand?  What would my kids say is most important.  So as my oldest son came out to get  a kleenex & check our incubator, I asked him.  He told me the most important thing to me was that my children grow up to be Godly men and women.  He did not have to even think about it.  Then he had supporting evidence.  Wow. 

Parenting {take–#587 or so?}

I understood when I had 4 kids ages 5 and under, why I was exhausted and clueless.  I mean really, lack of sleep, feeling like a dairy cow for about 4 or so years, life was expectedly crazy!

And now, I have a house full of (mostly) elementary school kids – one pre-teen.  I did not expect it to still require so much of me.  So often I feel like I have no idea what to do next.  Whew. 

While I love to be deep in a great book, parenting books are not my favorite genre.  I prefer some great Christian Fiction above most others.  However, in this season of parenting I am turning back to some great books that I hope to gleam some great wisdom from.  So, these days you can find me reading and taking copious notes from Shepherding a Child’s Heart and Grace Based Parenting.

I have read both of these books before, but never side by side.

What’s Working

Parenting sure has it ups and downs.  Sometimes I think we notice the downs much more than the ups.  Sometimes as moms I think we fixate on the downs, we let them define us.  We fail to see the ups.

I remember when I was in the Army.  The worse our commander was, the closer the staff was, and the more I learned.  (Did you know that we learn more from someone who does not do something well, than from someone who does it well?)   The more notice I took of all my commander did, when that person was less than good.  I never noticed the right things they did, even if they were few and far between.  Frankly, none of us did. 

Thankfully God does not operate like that.  I am so grateful that although I fail daily, He does not see me as a failure!  What a blessing.

Warfare {& Beautiful Girlhood}

As I read through The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood I formed a picture in my head of Warfare. 

This is what it is.  We are in a battle for our children, it is as simple as that.  We are battling for purity, femininity, and modesty in little girls who will grow (too soon) into young women.  If we want to win this battle, we need to learn how to fight.

As a former Army Officer, I know a bit about warfare, even though I was not personally engaged in it.  We still trained, we planned and we equipped.  This book will help you do just that with your young daughter.  A successful warrior knows his enemy, has the proper weapons and has trained sufficiently with those weapons.  (Our main weapon is our Bible, and this book walks along with your Bible through each page of this book.)

The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood : This is our 32-week Girl's Bible Study for girls ages 9-13. Beautiful Girlhood and The Companion Guide cover many topics specific to this age group focusing on character development. A perfect tool for Mother-Daughter Bible study that strengthens the Mother-Daughter relationship! Also can be used as youth Bible study lessons, Sunday school lessons, home school, and girl's Bible study.

This book is a weapon/tool in this battle.  There are four parts to each of the 32 chapters : Discussion, Bible Activity and Application, Journal Questions, and a section for the actual journal.  This book will help you navigate the book Beautiful Girlhood.  Instead of simply reading that book, this book will help you process through each chapter together, and really grasps each concept as you go.

I love any tool that helps us know what to say, or specifically where to turn in the Bible to support what we are teaching.  This book is an in-depth look at all the character traits we want our young ladies to possess.    The topics addressed in this book  include : friendships, dreams, home life, truthfulness, books, and many more.  I am sure this book will be a treasure to a little girl who goes through it with her mother, as they explore these principles and talk intentionally about so many vital topics, for a young girl today.

I firmly believe that after working through this book, the battle will not look the same to you or your daughter as they did before!  This is a great tool to teach our daughters all about the battles that will wage around her as she grows up, and will help equip her all the days of her life!

I highly recommend this book to all mothers of young girls!!

Note : Pumpkin Seed Press provided this book at no charge in exchange for an honest review.

marriage and family

Lately I have been thinking about who my children will marry. Maybe it is because I sometimes often get pulled in to watch that silly show Bachelor or Bachelorette. I watch these men or women bring home the girl or boy of their “dreams” and watch the family offer their opinion. As I watch I realize that does not always happen these days, in real life.

Yet, my heart longs for just that.

Parenting 101 (Romans)

I keep thinking this parenting thing will get easy.  What a lie!  I mean, when people told me when I had 4 kids 5 & under – when they told me it did not get easier, only different, I was sure they were wrong.  How could it not get easier?  2 to 3 in diapers, the physical needs of 4 kids being met primarily by me.  How could it not get easier?  It must!!  It must!!

But, again, I was wrong.  And now, as I talk to Kristen who had 4 closer than mine and 4 years behind, I tell her “It does not get easier.”  When I call in distress I think she is realizing it does not get easier.  My distress is not over potty training.  It is not over biting, or hitting, or dirty diapers.  It is over heart issues.  Big stuff.  Eternal stuff, if you will.

My day Tuesday was ugly.  I sent her a quick email half way through to say “uggghhh” – a quick plea for prayer.  I do not want to battle my child every day, all day.  I want to love him.  Or do I?

All day, we battled.  All day I remembered the advice I doled out but a few days before.  “Woo him Kristen,” – my point that God woos us, he loves us.  He does not treat us like we deserve to be treated.  Our blessings are not directly linked to our good works.  Woo him.  I heard it, in my head, over and over.  But I could not live it.  Instead I yelled (a little), lectured (A LOT), and grasped for light at the end of this tunnel (Does it end???).

Character Training (Revisited)

This seems to be the year of character training in our home.  I know, this should be something we do every year, but it seems to be of highest importance THIS year.  For months it was my youngest boy.  Now my oldest boy seems to be coming to the front of the discipline focus.

That is, until Kristen shared with me some things she gleaned from Laying Down the Rails on the way home from our house. 

I own this book.  Bought it in January I think.  I looked over a chapter about that time and shelved it.  It was not my favorite book.  But I knew, would be a great resource when I needed it.

My Cup Runneth Over

Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever just wanted to pinch yourself because things are just good?

After a perfect day with friends out yesterday we all crashed.  It was perfect!  Yummy food (amazing cobbler w/Cooper Farm Peaches thanks to Lisa), great fun  sliding (thanks to both families for bringing a slip & slide), fishing, running & playing, and just good times talking too!  It was just a perfect day!

This morning we woke up refreshed and the boys quickly hit the pond with fishing poles in hand.  I was given a few quiet moments on the porch reading my Bible, counting my blessings in my gratitude journal, and watching the chickens roam around.  It was perfect.  So much to be thankful for (here are a few):

0950 – boys fishing on the dock before breakfast

0955 – a sleepy little girl cuddling after waking up late

0959 – yummy cobbler from Lisa

0960 – almost to 1000 and starting again with a group of friends reading Ann’s book this summer

---

Most of all today I am thankful for a little boy’s heart who has chosen to turn it around.  A boy who had me pulling my hair out (or at least turning more of it gray)  just a few weeks ago.  We had a rough many weeks in fact.  Shooting the cat with a BBgun (at close range) throwing another in the pond, shaking the little tree with the bird nest and eggs, just to name a few issues.  So I attacked the heart issues.  Threw myself into Shepherding a Child’s Heart (again), Our 24 Family Way (Clarkson), listening to a Hive of Busy Bees, reading Tiger and Tom, and just plain talking.  Each time we talked though, he would clearly tell me he did not want to obey because he did not want to do hard things.  So then we talked over and over about people who HAVE to do hard things or the consequences they face.  Mainly talking about stories in the Bible where the people faces harsh consequences – Israelites, Jonah, etc.

It worked.  It was/is hard.  But it worked.  I was really amazed by how hard it is though, how much time it takes.  It was breakfast time devotions (consistently), it was talking all day long, it was listening in the car, me reading right before my bedtime, reading stories to them each evening.  It was fulltime – this character training.  It made me realize that I need to be doing it ALL the time.  Not just when we are addressing an issue.  ALL THE TIME.

But it has paid off.  I can see the fruit already in his sweet spirit.  He is so much more obedient and sweet about things.  He still has moments he is disobedient but I can see how he responds to correction is even different than it was.

So I just look at that boy and smile.  I can see God working in his heart and in his life.  I am so thankful for my friends who encouraged me while I walked through this.  The reminders of God’s grace, of his goodness, of the value of all that I was doing.  I know those reminders are what gave me the courage to stick with it all.  And today, we are continuing all those things – the books, the stories, the morning devotions.  I have learned!  I now know that this is an every day thing, not a reactive thing to problems.  The more I invest daily the easier it will be to tackle issues are they come up!!

Resetting

Sometimes I can let life get the best of me.  I can fill up our schedule and we can be running and I am left wondering what happened.  I wonder what happened to the peace in our life?  What happened to my kids being friends?  I wonder what happened to my time, to my sanity?

I love to be in touch.  I am a very social person and I love to keep in touch with friends, with family, with everyone. 

But every once in a while God resets my schedule.  It may happen by choice at times, it may happen by circumstance, or it may happen by pain.  I have experienced all those different types of resets.

Little Disciples

It is amazing how when our hearts are filled to be poured out again, there is so much to pour out!

Sally Clarkson talked a lot about disciple-ing (training & leading) our children instead of just disciplining (punishing).  Sometimes I fail to see that as my role as much as I should.  I know I am teaching them about God, daily.  We read our Bible, we apply it, we talk about it all the time – it is a REAL part of our lives – we live it.

But when they falter, when they fail, when they sin, sometimes I get distracted (frustrated) and maybe look at it like I am just doing a job for so many years and then I will be done.  Their failure sometimes  makes me think I am failing them too.  I am not really but it feels that way sometimes.  Sometimes it is hard to see a boy – almost young man – fail. 

Back to the Drawing Board

Oh, our Monday is off to a start.  Not sure yet if it is a good one or not.

The school building is on lock-down again because the kids have been disrespecting stuff in there, making messes & not cleaning up, and in general making poor choices.  This impacts my mornings because I can no longer tell them to go do their math while I clean up – I have to go over when they do.

So I need to get my act together a bit better so that I am ready to go over to school when they are, and I can take care of the kitchen at lunch time or something.  Until then, we will manage to figure things out.