Those Days

I bet you don’t have them.  But you know people who do.  You know.  Your friend who calls because it is one of those days.  Maybe your neighbor.  But not you…..

Desperate.

Unglued.

Yes, one of those days.

I love that as I am reading Desperate, (and quite honestly feeling like I don’t need it, ha ha) and also the devotion for Unglued – I had one of those days.

All my tomato plants that I have been nurturing for, oh maybe 10 weeks, yes those.  They started dying.  Ugh.  Depression descended upon me.

Then, my kids were not being the angelic beings that I expect them to be – right, silly me.  Math was taking my youngest boy about 9 hours, give or take an hour.  Math U See.  2 pages – 40 problems.  9 HOURS people!!  Oh my.

So.  When Robert finally woke up (he was sleeping from working nights the night before) I informed him I quit.  I was resigning immediately.  Sign the kids up at Malakoff ISD.  I was done with it all.  No yelling.  No screaming.  No slamming doors.  Just a simple clear resignation.

He laughed.

 

The nerve.  He laughed.  This was serious.  I was losing it and it was not pretty.  And, he laughed. 

Then I grabbed Desperate by Sarah Mae.  You know, the one Sally helped write.  The one from a younger mom that I did not really need, my kids are not young, I am not desperate.

Oh wait. 

They are not young.  Right.  But that last part about not being desperate – wait, that was ME.  As I read I cried.  As I sat there after tending my resignation I cried.  I feel like such a failure as my oldest 12 year old hormonal boy disrespects me every 5 minutes, complains about every single thing, grumbles about simple responsibilities.  I keep telling myself if I was doing it right my other son would not take 9 hours to do math.  They would all do the right think.  My oldest would politely grumble.  he would occasionally show some respect (not a new concept around here).  Clearly I am horrible and this and need to find a new job.

Ugh.

But God spoke.  Through Robert who laughed some more.  (honestly.)  Through the Word that I ran to as well.  He told me to rest in the hope that I have in him.  Hope for things I do not see.  He reminded me as my boy speaks his mind right now, he is testing boundaries, me, life and himself.  I remember back to my middle years when I would do things I did not know why I was doing.  Saying things I did not mean. 

So I TRY to offer grace.  I try to offer a sweet spirit.  But man, this journey is HARD!!!  I just want a little respect.  But you know what?  Jesus, yeah, he got none.  He was worthy of so much more than me and got less – and he humbly asked for God to forgive them.

So I am humbled.  God is working through these boys’ hearts.  He is working through me, teaching me more patience, more of leaning into him, more about what this life should really look like.  Yuck, sometimes.

And that Unglued devotional, I cannot tell you the times I have opened in the last few days that the devotions have been exactly what I needed to read in that moment.  Seriously – more than chance (which I don’t believe it) this was divine intervention!!  God has so been speaking to my heart in the devotion.

So, I know you don’t have these days.  I don’t have them all that often – I am sure my hormones were wildly swinging this day too – but I still have them.

The day ended much better.  Robert and I ran about a mile away (well, we drove) had dinner for about 15$ ~without kids~ and I withdrew my resignation.  So, I still have a job – and as of today, I love it!