Well that is how it seems anyway.
Just when I think I am really living out this Faith thing. I mean, here we are about 7 weeks post lay-off and spirits are still high, stress is not to much of an issue, and we are still very optimistic about this whole journey.
Then I start to stress about the house thing. I mean, if we could just sell the house life would be so much simpler and affordable. That darn house payment is really killing us these days. So Robert and I have discussed some drastic ideas. Then I speak with my dear friend/realtor about such said ideas. The weekend has no showings - no idea why!? Then we have a showing Monday, Tuesday, and yes Wednesday too!! Okay - what is up with that?? I mean 3 week day showings in 3 days?
I hear God telling me - stop meddling and relax. But goodness, does he not know that paying that payment is a PAIN?? Well, okay, I guess he does know that. So on the same day that all these things are rolling around in my head (Wednesday) Robert has this BIG job lead panning out to a phone interview. A decent salary, location north of DFW, and starting immediately. Sounds great!! Well, the interview time comes, Robert calls and no answer. Weird. Then no call back, no response to email - nothing. Just weird. But again I thought, stop stressing over the house - at least he has this job lead! As the day went on, the job lead flopped and fizzled.
So again, I hear God saying, "let me handle this too. Trust is more than lip-service. I mean really, do you trust me or are you pretending to trust me?" And again I realize that this faith muscle building continues, that maybe my muscles are not a big as I thought they were.
So yesterday I told Robert how I was feeling, what I think God has been laying on my heart. How he told me to stop reading some books by a particular author I like but who is not writing material I should read. How he wants all of me. He wants my mind, he wants my trust, he wants my heart. And that I cannot give him parts of those things and think he will be happy. So I am trying to obey and offer myself up completely.
Then today, we get another lead - Arizona this time, but let me tell you the difference - it is through a head hunter (one we like and trust), and the big thing - Robert is excited! He never thought the TX job was one he wanted to do. This one, he gets excited every time we talk about it. So it looks like he will be in Arizona the first part of July and the odds of him getting a job with this company is very good. And it is a company that will only grow in the years to come! Very promising.
So again I am reminded, God is bigger than I ever give him credit for. He is in the details, all of them - missed interviews, house showings, job leads, and most of in the midst of our lives in our family. My children are coming home from VBS singing about Him, retelling Bible stories from the day and that makes me so happy!
Life is good. Not so good that I do not need reminders of who is in charge, but still really good. I trust him. I trust him with all of it. I am still human though and I struggle to be n control and for some reason God is not letting me in on the future details. I guess he is really pruning me these days and hoping these lessons will stick with me.
Either way, here I am working more muscles - Faith muscles that is.