I have decided that Faith is like a muscle. If you use it a lot it gets stronger and you naturally rely on it. But if you are quite comfortable trusting in your flesh, that muscle gets stronger and it is more natural to go that route.
When you are re-training your body to rely on a new muscle and build it up it is HARD!! Your body really likes the old way, the old muscle and it just feels easier.
That is what my journey has been like these last few weeks. My flesh wants to rely on my flesh, it is pretty solid, confident and used to taking care of things. God, however, is saying let me carry that for you, trust me in this and I will surprise you (every time:)), etc. So I am trying to intentionally choose that path - the Faith one. I want to trust my fears, doubts, worried to HIM because he can handle it better than me, he knows the end, and I simply trust HIM! But when I am not looking, my flesh steps out and tries to retake control. And I am feeling so blessed by how God is drawing me closer to him. I am telling you, I can almost hear God audibly say to me, "are you trusting me? or are you worrying?" and the answer? Worrying. Not about the big stuff, but about things like rain. Silly!! can I control or influence the rain??? NO! But God can and he can make it so the rain does not matter.
So here I am stumbling along, trying desperately to trust him and not fret, worry or stress. And honestly I am doing amazingly well with His help, because none of this is my nature. I love the results. I love feeling peace when I should be anxious (well the world would say so) - I love seeing him working all around me!
This journey we are on is amazing, I am being blessed daily and sometimes multiple times a day by little confirmations I feel are from God. He is constantly confirming to me we are on the right path and just to keep going. Today when I called Kristen she said she is was just writing down a verse for me - timing! That was my confirmation today - his way of saying, "I have the rain thing under control" - so I immediately let go, and felt that peace come over me that I love to feel. And I am trusting. The verse today was from Psalms and here it is:
As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn. Psalm 18:30-36
The last part is the part Kristen had for me, but I love of these verses in this Psalm - and thought it very relevant to our current journey!
God is SOOOO good ALL the time! And I am hoping to see my muscle of Faith grow in the days, weeks and months to come! I hope that my muscle of flesh withers away in that time too!!