Name It!

It never ceases to amaze me how sneaky the lies creep in.  You never see them coming.  All is well, things are rolling along, and then all of a sudden, there they are staring you in the face.

Today is like that.  This afternoon, as we ate lunch, we talked about how the disciples felt on this day.  How God may have felt on this day.  How we should feel on this day.  The day he was separated from all He knew – the day he was suffering for my sins.  The day he was in Hell.

But by late afternoon, I am bombarded with the lies in my head.  Lies of inadequacy.  Lies of not enough.  Lies of if only….

I was feeling completely overwhelmed, but not sure by what.  That should have been my first clue.  If I cannot identify what is plaguing me, then it is not okay, it is not natural, it is most likely a lie.  It is not worth this feeling of gloom and despair. 

And then, I saw the letters.  They were laying on the counter because they keep getting blown into the sink when the window is open. 

The letters.  T T R E G A I U D.  Jumbled they seem meaningless.  Kind of like my life – all mixed up at times.  In the wrong places I put things.  My focus, my energy, my hope.

So while I stole a moment of quiet, had a cup of tea (yes, hot, and yes, it is in the 90’s today) I grabbed the letters.  I also grabbed the scrabble tile holder and set them on the table next to my tea time partner.  She asked me to spell TEA – and I was happy to find that word in those letters.

Then I fixed them – all together – all in order.  All right.

GRATITUDE

That is what they are supposed to spell.  They are to remind me in all things choose gratitude.  And I try.  I fail many times, but once in a while I catch myself and before I fail – I choose to thank.

And then it hits me.  The origin of my feelings.  The root of my overwhelmed sense.  I have not thanked today.  Or yesterday. Or for too many days.   And yet, there are so many (too many if that is possible) reasons to thank – most of all this weekend. 

When we honor/celebrate the GIFT he gave us, and the promise it gives us!  And yet, I have been busy.  And when I get busy, I stop thanking.  I stop counting.  And because counting makes me, oh, so aware of all that I have to offer thanks for, I really need to do it.  But when I stop counting, I start dwelling on all that I do not have or do not know.  I borrow.  I borrow trouble from tomorrow instead of thanking for the lack of trouble I have today.  Make sense?

So I grabbed my journal.  And I started counting again….

~ an unplanned visit with a grandfather

~ a successful first JMG meeting

~ a breakfast from the coop, a lunch and dinner from the garden

~ time feeding the fish in the evening, on the dock with just Robert

~ screen doors that were fixed & the 3 sets of hands that did it

~ children who know what this weekend is all about {honestly it does not get any better than that}

So, I am not a “Name it and Claim it” kind of girl – not that kind of Christian, because honestly I cannot support it with the Bible.  But I am a name it kind of girl when I see the lies.  I have not been claiming HIS truth as I struggle with this feeling of being overwhelmed.  And it stops right now. 

I serve a Victorious Savoir!  Tomorrow in church I will proclaim along with all the others there – He HAS RISEN!!  And indeed he has.  So I am not overwhelmed, because God does not give me more than I can handle.  I am not lacking, because every good and perfect gift comes from him – and good and perfect can never be “not enough.”  And “if only…” is a myth and a lie.  I am…, I will…, I do…. – words of power and strength – because I am a daughter of the Risen King!!