Wednesday, February 11, 2009

One of those days

Gosh! I am having one! You know those days when everything feels like it is wrong. No matter what you do you feel like it is all a tower of tooth pics about to blow over - not to mention the number of times you get poked! That is today.

Sometimes it comes on like a storm - with no warning. This time is has been creeping up on me and I have been trying to figure out where it came from. And WHY! Isn't that always the question?

You know what? I have not gotten answers to either. But I got something better! I split up the kids to their "corner" for some quiet time. I did some journaling and listened to some praise music and that helped a bit. Then I just laid down. My mind races every night, I go through my whole day and what is to come. I "over" analyze every conversation or thing that happened and often times I lose precious moments of sleep. So I laid down to do this this afternoon and to just pray and talk to God.

I think (okay I would say I know) that Satan has a radar to our weaknesses and just when we start to get beat down by something, he drops what he is doing and attacks full force. TO say this I mean that he whispers in our ear all the things wrong, the things we don't do well, all our insecurities. Not to mention he gets the kids involved and tells them to step up their assaults too! And we get beat down even more.

While talking to a friend today during my "dark moments" I kept thinking this is not what God has for me. He does not desire that I sulk or dwell in those dark places. He does not want me meditating on the things I do wrong or poorly, but he delights in me. That may just be my theme this year because it sure keeps coming up. He delights in all the things I do well - all the ways I serve my family and love them. He delights in the things I try to do well even if I do not always succeed. He delights in me just like we do when we look in on our sleeping children. They are not "doing" anything and we cannot help but smile and feel the complete and perfect love we have for them. And that is God with us, except I am sure he feels it more often than when we are sleeping.

So maybe when things are going well and we are just cruising along, he allows these bumps in the road to redirect our focus - to realign our steering - to get us looking back to him. I am conscious of the fact that I lean more on Him when times are hard than when they are easy and good - you know? And that is not what he wants for us. He wants that dependency and intimacy when times are good and bad - all the time.

So here I go - I keep learning the same lessons over and over - and I keep growing closer to my Savior - and let me tell you - it is worth every "dark moment" I have to make my way through to see the light of Jesus shining on me and calling me out of that darkness. I am so thankful for a God who knows everything about me, who loves and delights in me, and who never leaves me!

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