What’s Working

Parenting sure has it ups and downs.  Sometimes I think we notice the downs much more than the ups.  Sometimes as moms I think we fixate on the downs, we let them define us.  We fail to see the ups.

I remember when I was in the Army.  The worse our commander was, the closer the staff was, and the more I learned.  (Did you know that we learn more from someone who does not do something well, than from someone who does it well?)   The more notice I took of all my commander did, when that person was less than good.  I never noticed the right things they did, even if they were few and far between.  Frankly, none of us did. 

Thankfully God does not operate like that.  I am so grateful that although I fail daily, He does not see me as a failure!  What a blessing.

So why do I see myself that way, sometimes too often?  I mean, I know I am a good mom.  My kids feel loved, I think.  They seem to be happy.  Yet, after a bad day, I put the blame on my shoulders.  And yet, I am raising 3 little boys who have a will of their own, and one little girl with her own will.  So why would I think this is all up to me?  Their free will is going to allow them to choose wrong, probably a LOT!!

Anyway, tonight I thought I would share what is working for us these days, as far as parenting is going.

First, we have a chore box right now.  I made a list of extra chores.  Ones that I would love to have done often, but I never have time, and well – chores that I can assign to my kids.  This has helped to detail clean my house (a lot), and it has made a difference with attitudes as well.  So if I get an attitude from one of my lovely children I tell them to grab a card, if this results in more attitude they get more cards.  They learn quickly with this!!  When they complete a chore, the card goes to the back of the case.  I am loving this!!  I do not have to argue anymore, they just get a card. {and my house is looking pretty good}

Next, we have taken the discipline part of parenting off my shoulders and my husband has chosen to carry that load.  This is working wonders in my house!!  My son (oldest) and I have been arguing the most, and this has all but eliminated it!  If he starts to argue, which is less these days, I ask him if wants to talk with Daddy about it.    If we have a major issue, he goes to his room and waits for Robert to get home.  This started while Robert was home for 4 days, so that helped.  But it has worked so well!!  I am enjoying my kids again, and not at the end of my rope all the time. 

I have to honestly say, I was not adoring my kids much.  I was having a hard time seeing the good in my oldest, because we were battling all the time.  And this single decision : Daddy taking over discipline, has changed it all.  I am so grateful for a husband who will step up when I figure out to step back!  The boys are responding so well.  I am certain this is an age thing, and having their father lay down the law, is for some reason, more okay that mom doing it.

Lastly, we have really cut out the wii (in fact, tonight I put it in the garage, but that is another topic for another day, if only I had taken pictures tonight of my boys – ughh).  I am realizing that if something in our house leads my children to act inappropriate – it needs to go.  The Bible says :

if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off.  If your eye causes you to sin – gouge it out.   Matt 5:29-30

(my wording)

Well, I am cutting off the wii.  My boys become selfish, arrogant, mean, and all around bad when that wii gets turned on.  And I have had enough.  As a result, life is so much better!  They are playing cribbage, cards, reading, or many other things that encourage team work and love!  I want them to be defined by their love for others and if the wii brings out the worst behavoirs in them, I will not allow it in my house.  I know I need to work on them, and we will, and we are.  But the first step was not allowing them to act the way they are in our home with their brothers (and sister).

So this is what is working for us.  There are still many downs in this parenting journey – but these 3 decisions/ideas have made the journey less painful for me and have made the downs a bit less frequent!

Our memory verse this week: