Thursday, March 11, 2010

stumbling for silence

We all do it.  We never seem to expect it when it happens.  It happens slowly, we kind of slip into it.  The stumble that is.  Really we were just going along on the path of life, but then it happens.  Something jumps up and causes us to stumble. 

I stumbled yesterday, and it hurt.  It has been a while since I really let myself feel that much hurt, and maybe some of it was because I was so tired, physically worn out.  But it hurt no matter what the reason.

But today, with the sun shining it does not seem like such a bad stumble.  Funny how that works: in the darkness it always seems worse than in the light.  That is how “he”[satan] rolls – he uses the darkness and compounds our hurts, our fears, our worries.  And “he” did that last night.  But He is in the light and He takes away our hurts, our fears, and our worries.  He conquers the darkness – but sometimes in the dark nights, alone, it is hard to remember that.

This morning I was listening to a preacher (not sure who) on the radio and he was explaining why we need to be in the word each day – have quiet time (or silence).  He said that God will fill us with what we need, because more than us, he knows what we will need to face the day.  Wow.  I needed to hear that.  A gentle reminder of why I need to dwell in His word each day. 

I have stumbled there too – off the track of my daily reading.  Not too far off, just a few days off my schedule.  In my defense it is hard these days with our schedules all topsy-turvy, staying up too late, a husband working late hours, rowdy kids, and life.  Where do you find 20 minutes of silence in that?  But you know what, He has been whispering in my ear for a couple days now that I need to find silence in my day.  Even if I have to train my children to find it in their day too.

But amazingly, even while I was licking my wounds and acknowledging the pain of my stumbles, God was there.  In a phone call from my friend(s), in a voice mail from my mom, in the quiet alone with my tears.  Sometimes I think he allows us to face these tough things because he loves us so much, and he wants all of us.  All of us leaning and depending fully on HIM.  Not on the words of my friend or my mom or even the voices in my head.  He wants me to look to him to pick me up, to hug me, and to set me back on my path.  And last night, I felt that. 

So, today I resolved to find the silence, even if I have to make it.  I want time to reflect, think, listen, hear, and dwell.  I want to stop the noise of life and hear the voice, the whispering one, that means Life to Me!

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